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The Kid Once attacked by Dinosaurs From ‘Jurassic Park’ Has The Best Twitter Account Of All Time

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Tim Murphy once got attacked by dinosaurs. He hasn’t forgotten, and neither should you.


Remember Tim Murphy? Once upon a time, his grandpa invited him
and his sister Lex to an amusement park because their parents were going
through a nasty divorce. And then dinosaurs attacked and he almost died
several times.

Giphy

Now Tim is all grown up and living his very best life — a.k.a.,
trying desperately to forget the tragic events of his youth. But he
can’t, which is something you’d know if you followed him on Twitter.

In between tweeting average, mundane things like “Listening to The
National” and “Chipotle for lunch today,” Dr. Alan Grant’s number one
fan reminds us all that we’ve never truly struggled until the jeep we’re
in gets thrown into a tree by a T. Rex. He also has an impressively
straightforward bio, lest we need a reminder: “20 years ago my
grandfather invited my sister and me to a theme park with dinosaurs
& they got loose and tried to kill us. I love The National and
Arcade Fire.”

In honor of “Jurassic World,” let’s take a look at some of Tim’s best tweets:

  1. His first-ever tweet last July summed him up pretty perfectly.

  2. He’s not always in the mood to talk about the past.

  3. He knows his situation is quite unique.

  4. He sometimes reminisces on his relationship with his sister.

  5. And his grandpa.

  6. But he and Lex don’t really talk about the past.

  7. He has some lofty goals for his life.

  8. As well as some average day-to-day goals.

  9. He sums up his childhood pretty accurately in less than 140 characters.

  10. He really can’t overstate the impact of it.

  11. He almost definitely knows fear better than you do.

  12. He sincerely hopes future generations are spared from dino attacks.

  13. He sometimes wants to remind us about just HOW BAD his sitch was.

  14. Remember that time a T. rex threw his car into a tree? So does he.

  15. There was also that time he fell victim to an electric fence.

  16. There was also that time he was stalked by raptors.

  17. He’d like to clear up this misconception.

  18. He’s pretty amazed at his 9-year-old self’s strength.

  19. He’s also pretty impressed with how far he’s come — as are we.

  20. He makes sure his new followers get the gist.

  21. Imagine hearing this in your head all day long.

  22. He sometimes has a totally ordinary thought, but then remembers that other thing.

  23. Like, it happens pretty often.

  24. Even exciting Apple announcements are overshadowed by the sheer terror of his past.

  25. Same with viral pop culture discussions.

  26. His nightmares are worse than yours.

  27. One time he went a week without tweeting. But that wasn’t the worst thing to happen to him.

  28. He doesn’t appreciate your sense of humor about the situation.

  29. He wasn’t too amused when the “Jurassic World” trailer came out.

  30. And he’s pretty salty that it’s getting so much attention.

  31. One time he asked if there are any good movies out, but then quickly had to amend that question.

So please keep Tim in your thoughts this weekend. While we’re all
enjoying the fictional events of “Jurassic World,” there are real-life
survivors like Tim who are still trying to cope with the PTSD of
dinosaur attacks. Stay strong, dude.

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